Why?

Why do I keep blogging about my CI?

Why do I keep blogging about what it’s like to be deaf?
I don’t know.
I feel like all my posts are repetitive and I’m not quite sure why I keep blogging. Maybe it’s because ever since I started blogging I’ve learned that I’m more similar than different from others.
Maybe it’s because I’ve recognized the difference it makes when I’m open about my CI and being deaf? People are more willing to share their experiences with me and people are more comfortable asking me questions which has helped me have more positive experiences when communicating with hearing people who don’t know sign language.
I don’t know how many times I’ve considered making a final blog post and closing out my blogger account yet I keep blogging.
I also don’t know what it is about the CI that keeps wanting me to do better and better even though I’ve plateaued. It’s funny, growing up I was one of those kids who rebelled against hearing aids, against being labeled “deaf” and “special,” and most of all against speech therapy/aural rehab.
I think it’s because the CI process has been all my decision. It has been 100% my responsibility. I did this 100% for myself and not for anyone else. No one “gets after” me when I don’t feel like wearing my CI. No one orders me to wear it. It’s the first time I’ve been 100% in control in terms of choosing to wear hearing aids or not, choosing to have a CI or not, choosing to sign or not, choosing to have aural rehab or not, etc.
I love that freedom.
Even though I’m fine with not hearing, I still find myself wanting to hear. I don’t know why. I’m happy and I function great when I can’t hear. I think it’s just my personality in general. I’m curious about the world around me. I like trying new things. I like discovering things from different perspectives. I like challenges.

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